Can I really do this?
I'm having one of those moments and I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. I'm also feeling a lot of doubt and that is keeping me from doing what I should be doing.
I feel like there's so much I want to do, but no time to do it in and I'm getting caught up in analysis paralysis and absolutely wasting away what gains I might have made. Can I really do this? Be an author/writer, and someday live the life that I see in my head? To have that little office where I can retreat to write and do all my book biz stuff? That my book biz is successful and ever growing? Where one day, I'll have enough knowledge to be able to share with new authors, so they don't feel the frustrations I do?
I seriously feel like I'm spinning on the proverbial hamster wheel.
I have to write
I have to edit
I have to study
I have to research
I have to find more ideas
I have to promote/market
I have to have time for my family
... and I need to do a good, if not a great job at all of it, while still maintaining a day job.
I don't know what I'm doing!
How do I do this and that?
What about that one and this one?
I'm editing Gathering Storm right now. I actually got really good feed back from my editor, which at the time sent me over the moon. But... I don't know, perhaps because I haven't been able to work on it as fast I'd hoped and there has been opportunity for doubt to invade my thoughts.
It's a roller coaster ride everyday. I love it! I hate it! Oh, I love it again, what was I thinking?! Oh good god, was I drunk?! Oooh, it's goood! Sheez! I'm tiring myself out, just writing this and revealing my lunacy of late.
((Taking a deep breath)) I will get myself centered again. I will get myself focused again. I am in this for myself and for the long haul. I knew this wasn't going to be some overnight adventure and I have so much to learn and figure out.
Bottom line, the only hurdles I have to overcome are those of my own making.
There's always a way right? I read somewhere that a dream wouldn't be placed in your heart, if it wasn't meant for you. This dream was ignited in me and my heart is vested. It's mine and I will nurture it, grow it, and see what it blooms into for me.